It’s January, that lovely time of year where it seems everyone you know and love (or maybe just know) is setting goals for themselves for the new year; do more, eat less, that sort of thing. There is an overwhelming pressure to somehow be better regardless of how bad or good you thought you were in the past year. I love New Years, don’t get me wrong but the pressure, the pressure is what kills it for me.
But what about those of us who have found ourselves already? I am not the type of person who constantly tries to reinvent myself. In fact for a very long time I was a creature of habit and to stray from that habit would be the worst thing in the history of the universe, ever.
In high school I decided to leave my comfort zone, do things for me, develop interests outside of the ones I had figured would characterize me for the rest of eternity. I learned some very important things about myself along the way; music is my everything, coffee is my second everything and black trumps all other colors by far.
Jokes aside, I did some real self discovery in high school, especially over the course of my senior year, and to be candid I’m pretty happy with what I found. I learned what was and what wasn’t
important and have channeled much of my energy this year at university into putting the ideals I developed over my last year in high school into practice. Two years of too much people pleasing, too much worrying about how others perceived me and too little attention paid to what makes me happy made for one extremely unhappy high school junior.
I was constantly anxious, it seemed like there wasn’t a moment when I wasn’t worrying about something and I realized I cannot and will not live the rest of my life that way.
Starting in twelfth grade I finally began to live my life for me. Hobbies I never took too seriously became passions of mine. I threw myself into the things and relationships that I cared about and allowed myself to be completely open and vulnerable for the first time in my life. I stopped caring about what other people had to say about me behind my back and started to prove them wrong through my actions, my words and my choices.
Living my life for me did not come easy and I had to learn that my happiness as a number one priority was more important than those few extra toxic people in my life that would have lingered otherwise. It took me a very long time to accept the following universal truths: a) people change b) things change c) no matter how much a and b frighten you, there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about them. I’m constantly evolving, growing and for lack of a better word changing and that’s ok.
Things I simply thought were important to keep in mind during my senior year are now principles I live by from day to day, the people in my life are ones that want me to be a part of theirs as much as I want them to be a part of mine, life is good.
So really what I’m getting at here is it’s okay to be okay with who you are or what you’ve been working at already. I’ve just started a new chapter in my life hundreds of miles away from the place I call home and I’m expected to set a “goal” for myself to “accomplish” over the next year? Yeah right. I’m just living life.