14 JANUARY 2016, 04:51 PM
What a year. I asked Bryan this morning if I could write a piece about my 22nd year on this earth since yesterday was the last day of it. Knowing he would say yes, I started writing this piece in my head before I’d even asked.
These last 365 days have been a complete whirlwind so don’t be surprised if the style of this piece follows suit. I don’t want to organize this into some list of important events, or highlight 5 themes of my year, or even break things down into individual pieces of advice. This site is about telling our story and so that is exactly what I’m going to do…tell my story.
So a year ago today I was in a long term and long distance relationship that was damn near its end by my birthday. I’ve written on this site about this part of my year a few times now so I won’t ruminate on the topic for too long. What I will say is that during those early months of my year, even during the hardest of times, I believed in myself and kept waking up knowing that things would come back around in time.
The months of February through May were some of the toughest and most self exploratory periods of my life. With no family closer than 250 miles, best of friends all at different schools, and the recent loss of love…I had no one to depend on but myself. These times caused me to look within myself and ask all of the questions I had been hiding from and running away from for so long.
What do I really want from life?
What makes me happiest?
Who are the people I need to keep around?
Who are the people I need to let go?
What do I believe in and why do I believe these things?
The list goes on and on but ultimately I took the time to check every question off that list.
By the time I graduated from Virginia Tech in May, I was fully confident in myself and every decision I made. Asking all of these questions forced me to figure out what I stand for and to actually stand for it. Often the darkest of times show us the brightest of lights.
Having resolved my questions relationally, career path wise, physically and beyond I was ready to come home for the summer and blast off into the music industry…Ha! I came back to Northern Virginia full of confidence and with a brand new 21 song mixtape in the works and near completion.
I expected to be welcomed back with bits of struggle here and there, but expected more performances and collaborations to show up. I spent my entire summer from June to August waiting on other people to get their act together so I could try and make inroads into the music industry. All the while nothing ever panned out and seemingly every door that I opened was closing in front of my face or quickly behind me.
All in all I kept working and believing that if I stayed true to my craft and produced a quality product, that all I would need would be one solid connection.
This part of my year taught me to manage my expectations and realize that there is much more work involved in realizing ones dreams than many believe. It sounds wonderful to tell others that you are chasing your dream and striving to achieve your goals but if there is no hustle and no work behind those statements than all you are left with is empty potential, disappointment, and broken promises.
Despite the first 6 months of my 22nd year being depressing and then inspiring and then frustrating and then hopeful only to get stuck again…the back half of my year was unforgettable. Everything started with family…as I believe almost everything should. I was attending a wedding in Rochester, New York…which for those of you who don’t know is about as upstate as it gets. Rochester is actually further from NYC than DC is.
Besides that fun little geography lesson, I was there for a the first time since I was 16 years old. At this wedding I got to interact with extended family as adults for the first time. This was quite a pleasant surprise since I was the youngest and was used to getting treated like it.
Family stories aside, my uncle actually put me in touch with a close family friend of theirs named Brandon who had been working in the music industry for a few years and might be able to help me get my feet wet in the industry. I was able to have a short conversation with him at the bar during the reception where we exchanged stories and contact information.
After the wedding I followed up with Brandon and asked if there was any way I could help with his business and an artist he had just begun working with named Drigo. This is where everything really began. After sending Brandon and Drigo an idea for a music video, Drigo and I got in direct contact and really got to work. On my first trip up to New York City in my entire life, we met by complete coincidence on the same subway platform in Manhattan waiting for the L train to Brooklyn.
We got to talk on the train over and discuss ideas about music and life. This conversation eventually continued into the studio session and became the basis for the first record he and I ever wrote together.
In the months following up until very literally today we have been working on crafting a short EP that will be our hello to the music industry. We have worked our asses off every day to make sure that the passion we have for the project is reflected in every way possible when the audience finally receives it. These final 4 months of my 22nd year have been life changing in a completely different way.
Trying to put into words everything that I’ve learned during this most recent year of living is damn near impossible. As a long time poet I like to think that I have pretty good control over my words so I’m gonna try and sum everything up into 3 major life lessons from my T-Swift year.
1. Be honest and upfront with yourself in every aspect of your life and free yourself from the judgement of others
2. Don’t be quick to judge others, everyone has a story that you just don’t know yet…learn it
3. Wake up every single day thankful for what you have & find something you are passionate about that makes you want to wake up
This past year was 365 days long…just like every single other year of my life before it. The only difference was that this time around I took time to appreciate every second, every minute of those days.
Every day I grew as a person and challenged myself to learn more and evolve in every aspect of who I am. Today is my birthday and I don’t feel special…I don’t feel special today because I feel special every single day. Trust me I hate clichés as much of the rest of you but if you don’t believe in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to believe for you. Know your own worth and work to improve that. At the end of the day if you go to bed happy then that is all that matters.
So happy 23rd birthday to me and I hope everyone who reads this has as good of a day as I had.
Much love to anyone who took the time to read this…you’re awesome 🙂
I am a 22-year-old college senior who is about to graduate. I am a funny, smart, beautiful, kind and caring woman with a bright future. I am a Christian. I have very strong values and morals. I am a virgin.
Every single one of these traits has been tested in the past 4 years I’ve been at college. Gossip and drama has tested my ability to be kind and caring. Hard classes and long clinical days have tested my intelligence and perseverance. Nothing, however, has been tested more than my morals, my values… my virginity.
It wasn’t the church or my parents pushing that ideal in my head, in fact, I never even had ‘the sex talk’ with my parents. It has been 100% my decision to wait. Now, the bases of my decision is religious. I believe that my body is a temple created by God [1 Corinthians 6:19] and I believe I need to treat it that way. I want to bring Glory to the Lord in every way that I can, and this is just one of those ways.
Just because I don’t have sex doesn’t mean I don’t want sex. I am not perfect. I have messed up, I’ve given into temptation, and I’ve gone further than I should have sometimes. But every one of those times I stopped, I didn’t give into my needs and wants because in the back of my head, in my heart were those strong convictions
College is a very difficult place to practice abstinence. I have never been made fun of or picked on because of my beliefs, but it definitely sets me apart from others. I cannot begin to count the number of boys who as soon as they found out I don’t have sex, couldn’t get away fast enough. Boys don’t even give you a chance and it hurts.
Having this strong conviction in my life has not been easy. I’ve gotten depressed and felt exiled. I have felt insecure and embarrassed. There have even been times I have almost said ‘screw it’ and just given in to stop the hardship.
Most recently I was talking to a boy. It was a very new thing, but I quickly found that he was someone that I knew I really was going to like and truly care about. He was over one night and when I stopped and told him I was a virgin, that I wasn’t going to do anything with him, he stood up, shook my hand and walked out.
I felt like all I was good for was my body, that because I wouldn’t put out that I was completely worthless. It was in that moment that I felt the worse I have ever felt.
I felt hurt and sad and mad about it for about a day and then it hit me. I should be damn proud. I stood up for myself. I didn’t back down. I help firm in my beliefs, in the Lord, and didn’t let anything change me. I realized at that moment, how important it is to stay true to yourself. I know how easy it would have been to just give in, to forget my conviction and have sex. But where would that have led me?
Every belief, conviction, and value that you have make you, you. It is so important to stay true to those. Be you. Don’t let what is supposed to be the ‘normal’ change those, change you. I promise it’s so much better this way. Living for your own beliefs leads to such a fulfilling life. Regardless of what your beliefs may be, make them, keep them, and be proud of yourself.