“You’re buff, you have a man body, you’re not feminine, strong women aren’t beautiful women”
I’ve heard all of it from a young age until now. The years and years of ignorant comments finally took a toll on me. Slowly, I began to look in the mirror at myself in disgust because of what other people told me.
Every time I passed a mirror I would look for a while and think about how I’m ugly and females aren’t suppose to look like this. I started keeping away from my friends, family, and God.
Comparing myself to the skinny and pretty girls made me feel an unfathomable feeling. I hated myself and there was nothing I could do about it. Until it happened. I eventually discovered myself to be bulimic.
Bulimia is an eating disorder where you purge after every time you eat. That was a way for me to feel better about myself, I didn’t so much notice myself looking smaller but for some reason it worked.
This lasted from my sophomore year in high school to now; I’m a sophomore in college. I was in denial that everything I was doing was hurting me physically and mentally for years.
Freshman year I came to Georgia State on a scholarship to run track and this is when I started noticing I wasn’t myself anymore.
My actions started to affect me on the track and that was one thing I never wanted. Track is the place where I can be myself and get away from the world.
But injuries started coming along, and for the first time I was not only looking in the mirror at myself poorly but also on the track because of my performance levels and confidence, they were at an all time low. Because of course, like everywhere else I still heard all the negative name-calling.
So the summer before returning to GSU my sophomore year and the beginning of the semester I decided I want to end this. And to be honest, at first it was only because of my performance on the track and that was my main motivation to stop it and I was getting better.
By saving time I won’t explain every detail to how I realized track shouldn’t be the only reason I should stop. But I had just one meeting with one of my bible study leaders and I will never forget how she helped me.
Everyone has their own purpose for why they are the way they are. I’m strong and built like this for what I do; I have worked for this and deserve every bit of it. People’s perceptions of me mean nothing anymore. I’m proud to be who I am today my body is beautiful. Strong is who I am mentally and physically, I will not be defeated again.
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No one should degrade their own self because of what people say to you, in the end it gets you no where. Be confident. Be positive. Be yourself.