Mi amor. My love. This isn’t a term to take lightly. Not after knowing what true love is. You see, I fell in love, hard. I learned what it is to feel love in that deep, middle of my heart.
That place where you would place your hand and my hand on yours. The place where in your arms, my heart would fill with butterflies. Even thinking of that moment fills my heart once again. I learned what it is to love and truly appreciate what is in your hands, because in the blink of an eye, it can be taken away. I learned that no matter what happens, I will always love you.
Every day is a constant reminder that we were an “us” and now it’s just you, or me. “We” isn’t a term to be taken lightly. “We” has lost its significance. We are no longer because its constant frustration, angst, competition, betrayal, “He said, she said.” It’s constant tension, not love.
And between it all, we have forgotten that we were in love, and maybe still are. With all the tension, we have forgotten why we fought for each other in the first month.
We have forgotten that God gave us to each other to build something strong, but maybe it was for a moment. But maybe not.
So, every love story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. But you know what; it still doesn’t feel like an end. You and I had an amazing beginning. From the first time we met and spoke Spanish to the snowstorm where our love began.
To overcoming fears and pushing through obstacles together, to all the events, the traveling, and our silly moments.
Then, came the middle. The tensions started to rise. Other people’s opinions got in the way. Our separate goals and dreams began to arise and those goals and dreams began to separate us.
We had more fights, your will versus mine. We had our own individual battles of the minds; those silly unfocused distractions. Correction, I had a distraction.
One that I allowed to enter into my mind like it was no big deal, when it obviously was. Because after enough of those distractions on my part, we had an end; or so we thought.
So, the end…really?
I don’t see it that way. You and I “ended.” Yet we always fell right back into things. No distance, fights, people, nor thoughts could keep us away from each other.
I guess that’s what happens when two warriors fall in love. They don’t give up the fight. In all the “ending” of things, we found new beginnings.
Just as the sun rises each day to show us that the previous day has ended and the sun rolls in a new day, a new beginning. New lessons the Lord wanted to teach us.
New beginnings in our personal journeys as followers of Jesus Christ. New levels in our relationship, not just romantically. It was a new way where we found more of ourselves. It was never the end.
So now, what do we do? Correction. What do you do? What do I do? Personally, I miss you. But you don’t believe it. Hey babe quick advice; sometimes you have to get out of your head and listen when other people say things, God may be using them. As much of a servant leader and humble man you are, sometimes you won’t always have the right answer. And that’s okay! We’re not perfect, we just get better everyday.
So here I am. Learning from my own thoughts that got me in trouble in the first place. Here I am understanding why my thoughts were little foxes, little distractions, that needed to be caught and replaced with those thoughts of the Lord.
They needed to be made pure. So here I am. Giving my life to the Lord. All of me. All of my desires of love, business, dreams and goals.
Putting my 100% for Him, not for my own ambitions. Here I am taking a year of no dating, setting my mind right with the Lord, and focusing on the mission He has for me in my time here.
But you wanna know what the best and most crazy thing is? You’re doing the same. Here you are pursuing the Lord and really taking a look at life from his perspective. Humbling yourself in all of the success. After all of the beginnings and the ends, that’s all I have ever asked the Lord to do, to bring you close to Him and for Him to fill your heart with His own thoughts, desires, and most importantly His love.
So what now? Do we stay friends? Do we just pass by each other and look back at the past and know that we taught each other to love, to be happy, and to enjoy being loved? Do we just believe that what we had was meant for us in the time being, but it’s over now? Do we just continue on like the warriors you and I are and catch up when we see each other like old friends?
You see; when I said let our love be stronger than this. I meant it, because just like God wants us to do for him, we must fight with love.
We, His people, must be warriors of love. So yes, our end was necessary. But in five years, will it be as serious as it was? Probably not. In ten years, will we still be crying over a thought that was never supposed to be there in the first place? Probably not.
And at the end of our lives, are we going to smile because it happened? Probably yes. Because between it all, we fell in love. We made amazing memories. And we were blessed with true love. We were blessed with a journey like none other and to know each other intimately while getting to know Our Father.
Honestly dude, I don’t know. Nor will I ever know. Because only time will tell, and I don’t hold the key to the time-box, only God does. He knows the plans He has for us, and if that is individually or together, only time can tell. But He is a good, good Father and will never let the waves crash over us without Him there to save us.
So mi amor, I wish you the best. I will always love you like 1,2,3!