Human beings are living in a time of great transition.

The shift away from the medical model, to new ways of understanding how our emotions shape our day-to-day reality, is now increasing in awareness.  We are learning how our emotions influence our day-to-day experience of life on earth. We are learning to understand how the heart is the power center of feeling loved and accepted, and key to happiness as much as the mind. When we are experiencing a highly emotive event, our mind embeds the experience on many levels with a super awareness, to ensure the event is highlighted and we pay attention when it reoccurs.

There is a growing understanding that using holistic models of mind, body and spirit, work to bring balance for individuals who are experiencing a mental illness.

Using medication alone is now becoming outdated and this is an amazing time, but it is a challenging time too. It is a time when human beings are seeing societal structures breaking down and lots of change in restructuring happening very quickly. This is necessary in order to create new ways to live that are healthy and balanced. Often the focus with mental health is treating the human being. The emphasis is on the person believed to be out of sync with the world in some way.

I offer that it is society’s way of living, which is out of sync, and that people become ill trying to fit a way of living that is very unnatural.

I am sharing my personal human being story, as emotional intelligence and health is core to my life and what I am passionate about. I have often been in a deeply dark place because of relationship and feeling lost, lonely, and confused. Sometimes to a point of simply not wanting to feel the pain anymore and having run out of ideas as to how to numb myself out. Over the years, I tried several addictions to “numb myself out”, not even realizing at the time, that this is what they were.

Medication can take many forms such as food and shopping, workshops, and work too. Today, I am a 50-year-old woman with two adult children living near a beautiful pilgrim site, Glastonbury, in the South West of England. I am a holistic therapist and I assist people who are seeking a return to well-being, focusing primarily on understanding the emotional mind and how to work with it.

I love the work I do, having finally come home to myself.

I am still very much a work in progress and open to new learning. I share my own journey as I have experienced times of great emotional imbalance in my life and that was essential to my path in life. What the ego mind perceives as the “problem” is also, where solutions are found: the keys to personal freedom. We really do have all that we need within us and the key is to go and search and find the answers.

I suggest people do their own research because this article contains only my views and opinions. I believe that it is one of the most important aspects of people’s personal journeys; that they are discerning and find their own way and truth. I believe it is exactly what we are here for at this time.

I grew up in a middle class family in the North West of England. My family was innovative. They had moved away from a sizable town to a brand new estate in a small semi-rural village much to the surprise of their elder’s. This was in the 60’s and it was “new beginnings”. We had a very good standard of living and traveled abroad quite often. My family was very open with me about their history and, as a child; I did not know how unusual that was.

This formed a key belief system for me from an early age, which was to become the structure of my whole life.

Talking openly and sharing what were in fact taboo subjects, especially around mental illness and in many circles, this is still the case today. On my grandfather’s birthday, his mother committed suicide. My mother found her. She was nine years old. This had a profound effect on my mother and she had a breakdown. She could not eat or sleep and was obsessed with anxiety around death. Conventional medical frameworks at that time offered Phenobarbital or Electroconvulsive Therapy. These methods would sedate her heavily or use electricity on the brain to reset the short-term memory and remove the memories of the trauma. These methods are still used in the UK today.

My grandfather decided to look for alternatives and found a Hypnotherapist. Hypnotherapists were considered alternative at the time and still are in many conventional circles today. Hypnotherapy worked for my mother and she started to recover. The Hypnotherapist focused on creating belief systems that supported well-being and recovery for her, by creating new codes of consciousness in her unconscious mind.

These overrode her anxiety and fear to a large degree. She had a relapse and a breakdown at 19. Again, she returned to see the same person and again she made a quick recovery with further supporting well-being codes being reinforced. This understanding really helped me when I had my own breakdown at 22. I did not see it coming. I believe there is a pattern of relating that leads to a nervous breakdown in this way.

Generally, there are shared components that affect all human beings.

People experience their own unique process and there does not have to be a big life trauma to trigger this response.   Here are some common factors: Living an inauthentic life – people pleasing for a corporate framework, a family framework, a romantic relationship framework and trying to be something that is unnatural/perfect/controlled. To be overwhelmed is to be doing too much and over stretching oneself physically and emotionally in an attempt to tick all the “perfect life” boxes.

This is a coping mechanism of the psyche to try to stay in control or feel like one has some control. Living dishonestly in relationship – experiencing abusive relationship and not feeling able to speak to anyone about it or leave because of fear and shame. Lack of self-esteem and self-confidence, or not being “the norm”, which is a movable feast, especially in today’s super-fast consumer model system, or being a highly sensitive person who does not want to hurt others by becoming the behavior that has wounded them.

t that time, I was in a relationship with a man who was very aggressive and had a lot of control and anger issues. He was an alcoholic. His way of relating to other people did not match my values.

I was at odds with myself. He was controlling about what I did every day, how I dressed, how I cooked food, my friends and many other aspects. This was over a period of 3 years. Over this time, he became more violent and eventually physically attacked me. When I tried to end the relationship, he would turn up at my place of work and try to persuade me to take him back full of remorse and insisting he would and could change.

This man had huge anger issues, which were always present and surfaced when alcohol released any control mechanisms he had in place. This type of behavior is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In my experience, any event in a person’s life that has created a huge emotional response for them and/or a person close to them emotionally creates Post Traumatic stress Disorder. I do not believe him to be a “bad’’ person.

People are not their behavior. This is also not excusing his inappropriate behavior or any other abusive behavior. It is also being realistic about people. People do what they know. Period. It is as simple as that. How can people do what they do not know? Human beings learn experientially and model what they see as children, which is why these patterns of behavior live on in generation after generation and this is key for understanding.

As people are not their behavior, this creates a wonderful opportunity to create change. I believe every single person can create this change if they have the motivation to do so.

All human beings have the core potential to heal and love and to live from compassion. I believe this is happening now more and more as all the tools are there for people, ready to do their personal journey, to create well-being for themselves on an emotional level. Information is everywhere and conscious ways of being are becoming mainstream with social networking and search engines.

My first panic attack happened at 22. I was barely coping, had two jobs, and was stretching myself physically and mentally. I was hiding my true feelings and not confiding in anyone. I went to a shopping center, literally 10 minutes walking distance from my home. I went into a shop I used regularly and was very familiar. On that day, the shop’s layout changed and was unfamiliar. That was my tipping point. I was overwhelmed. I started to hyperventilate, became dizzy and my eyes could not focus. I left the shop and sat on a bench in the shopping mall.

I saw a police officer and thought about asking him to take me home, as I could not access any memory of how to get there. How would I explain it him? This created even more anxiety. I sat for what felt like hours, in reality probably 20 minutes. Eventually I had enough confidence and calmness to go home. Feeling shaken, I sought medical advice. In a snapshot, I went through the medical model and had my heart and my eyes tested. Then the doctor gave me some Valium. I took one and felt like I was in a bubble, which was even worse than feeling anxious, I felt like I was under water in a goldfish bowl remote from the world. I did not take any more.

I experienced continued panic attacks, tunnel vision, could not function, and could not work. I was also experiencing physiological ill health with psoriasis on my face and cervical cancer cells. My body was revealing my true state of inner being. Many people see this as something that can be fixed. I offer an alternative perspective now, that the body and mind are simply illuminating the outer relationships requiring a change in this unhealthy way of being. At the time though, I just wanted to fix all these symptoms so I could carry on doing the same thing, the same thing that had led me to this place of imbalance.

I was not consciously aware of that back then. This is the change of focus happening now and it is the realization that our so-called diseases are revealing out of balance ways of living and relating for the human being. My doctors were sympathetic but had no personal experience of mental ill health and again, this is key to awareness. They did what they knew and eliminated all the medical model scenarios using tests then gave me a pill to keep me calm.

This is holistic too, in a sense of looking at all the avenues to find a way forward and ensure the physical body is functioning, as it should. Medication does not alter any patterns or give any practical tools for the individual to use.

The doctors did not prescribe talking therapies because they were not mainstream in 1980s UK.

In my understanding, it is essential that a health facilitator in the mental health field has walked the path of the people they are working with; otherwise, there can be no deep level of understanding or empathy. I hear this over and over from people who have sought help from talking therapies and the person they are working with, has no personal life experience of being in their shoes so although they have the best intentions, they cannot possibly understand what that person is going through.

People sharing this perspective of a lack of genuine empathy have felt that the therapy has very little impact because of that lack of understanding. Academia is important and it does not allow the same deeper understanding as experiential learning. It is recognized that support groups work exactly because of that shared experience and, I hope this will expand to include one to one facilitators helping others to move forward because they themselves have moved forwards and understand key aspects of that process. It would have been greatly beneficial for me to know how my physiology created symptoms. This came much later.

Changing the breath prevents hyperventilation. Knowing how my physiology was creating a loop of symptoms with short breaths and how to break that loop, stopped the process and the panic attack in its tracks, and really helped me help myself.

Seeing the bigger picture is essential too, but often that is not possible when we feel we are at the bottom of a dark pit.

It is good to find someone who has been there and climbed out of it and knows that we can too with a helping hand. Although we can fix certain aspects of our ill health, looking at the core root of what gave rise to it is the focus point. If this is ignored, eventually this will rise up again in a different form, as this is where the change has to take place. This foundation structure creates our day-to-day experience of the world. This is the root of all that is out of balance in our society generally and where human evolution lies.

I know now that this was the start of my personal experiential journey. I left that relationship at last and moved to London with another man, who is the father of my children. I learned how to cope with my symptoms and they happened less and less. I tried to learn more by reading around this subject. We managed pubs and had contact with many people. Some of the staff had mental health issues and one in particular had severe bipolar experiences. They were manic at times, spending hours being creative with bar displays and then going into the depths of depression with very little energy.

Our staff used to confide in us about their day-to-day ways of being, often they were far from home living in squats looking for the streets paved with gold and often had stories of family trauma. All I could do then was speak of what happened to me and suggest books I had read on the subject. I have always been open about my mental health experiences and this allowed the taboo to be released. I found once I shared my mental health story, other people opened up and shared theirs. We could then share our learning too.

Our lives changed radically in 1995 when I gave birth to our son. It was an amazing time for me, as I had never planned to be a mother and involved lots of new learning. I really wanted to be the most informed parent I could and started learning about psychology at evening class.

I was passionate about it and my intention at the time was to be a forensic psychologist. I was attracted to the pathology of psychology, which I coined “the dark side of human nature”. Our daughter arrived in 1998. It was a joyful time and a tipping point in many ways.

I would not accept for my children what I had accepted for myself in terms of the medical model. I researched all areas of health and started to look for alternatives. After studying psychology for a while, I concluded that there did not seem to be a great deal of change happening for individuals seeking help.

There could be many years of talking therapies and understanding of what created the trauma but it seemed that people were still experiencing the symptoms and not feeling or being free of trauma. I started to learn about NLP, or Neuro Linguistic Programming created in the 1970’s. It creates theories around how the human being learns and stores their life experience. There are practical frameworks to use from a variety of sources based on people who achieved excellent results in their field. It also includes shamanic frameworks from indigenous people.

It is very dynamic. At the same time, I began learning about Eastern frameworks of healing, using energy meridians. Although new in the West, Eastern frameworks have been extensively chronicled and used in the East for thousands of years.

I came across Emotional Freedom Technique in 2007 and was very excited with what I could achieve personally to move debilitating migraine headaches in seconds, even though I had not even started the training and only had a bare bones idea of the framework. I started to use it in all manner of ways with all age groups and found it so easy that literally children can do it and let go of trauma in minutes. At my first training session, a key part of the course clicked for me and made complete sense. The emotional mind is the fight/flight/freeze part of the brain and is a pattern matcher for trauma. When this part of the mind is activated, the individual literally cannot access their logical brain.

Accessing the logical brain is inhibited and the human being goes into survival mode.

To overthink could mean the death of the person. Whenever there is a pattern match for a previous emotional trauma, the amygdala is activated. This created huge understanding for me as to why talking therapies on their own do not create a shift in emotion and behavior. The pattern of the original trauma is still there as is the emotion so the hijack continues. Using Emotional Freedom Technique changes this. As I started to work intuitively on emotional times in my life, using this framework, I got an amazing shift.

It gave me the confidence to feel more and start to come into balance with all my emotions. One of the biggest was anger and unresolved issues around that. I love sharing this information and technique with people, because it has changed my life and many people who I have worked with. People do not have to suffer for years or be in therapy for years. They can start to take action themselves and feel self-empowered. It is a simple framework and accessible to all. In the UK, EFT is now recognized and used as a Cognitive Behavior Therapy and is becoming mainstream.

This gives me so much hope and enthusiasm. I have worked with people in the past who had sad stories. One person fell in love for the first time in their life. This created expansive feelings of joy beyond anything they had ever known and led to one episode of bipolar disorder in their teens. Because of this behavior, their family who were unable to cope committed them to an institution. They had been on lithium to keep them under control for 40 years and were afraid to come off it in case it happened again. EFT helped them let go of this fear and feel safe around their emotional self. Again, this is not a quick fix; it is a personal peace procedure that can be used every day to move to balance.

I believe that people will experience what is known as mental illness at some time in their life. It is what can help us grow, mature, and make the changes required now to support healthy relationships. For some people it is a huge turning point. Some do not overcome these crisis points and this is hugely painful for the people in their lives. This is so saddening and my heart goes out to them. I know what a huge impact suicide had on my family. I do feel that there is always light that goes out from these dark points. The more we start to speak and share our shadowed dark times, the more they become acceptable into the mainstream. The dark side is where the light is waiting to return.

It holds the potential of new ways and understanding of all the aspects of our human being self. It holds new beginnings for our world and expansion of compassion and love for ourselves. When individuals love and accept themselves, then they can truly do this more and more with others.

Jo Kenworthy www.barefootholistics.co.uk www.flowwithjo.com

The very idea may seem ridiculous, even offensive to some people. However, prophets can be cited as examples of powerful spiritual personalities who have held a temporary resentment toward GOD for the judgments HE brought down because of the sins and evils committed by HIS chosen people. The punishments often seemed worse than the crime, in their eyes. Truly, forgiving GOD is never necessary, and yet…I have occasionally held some residue, deep inside, a secret resentment, even disappointment toward GOD for the situations I found myself in throughout my life.

The suffering of the innocent would grind my gears.

For example, I was so angry when I lost my Soror, lawyer to be, sister friend to AIDS. How could GOD not rescue her or prevent evil from happening to her? I was angry with GOD because in 1989 he allowed me to bare witness to a stranger’s suicide. I stood as he jumped from the bridge to his death because brain cancer destroyed his beautiful forensic mind.

I tried to stop him but couldn’t and held myself personally responsible for my inability to physically stop the jumper. I was angry with GOD for years because I thought I’ve been dealt a bad hand. I thought it unfair that I was childless and unmarried. I am after all a good daughter, sister, cousin, niece, friend, neighbor, and Godmother. I have no vices to speak of. I am not unlike those who live the fairytale and find happily ever after. I am no menace to society. I have played by the rules of a civilized society. I am educated because the principle goal of education is to create individuals who are capable of doing new things, not simply of repeating what other generations have done, people who are creative, inventive discoverers.

So why has GOD denied me? I was angry with GOD because why would HE allow me to meet and grow to love the wrong person for all the right reasons yet again. How could HE allow me to unwittingly discover the man who is undoubtedly my music from another room and not allow me to dance with him forever?

I resented GOD because HE not only took my Mother too soon but HE took her before I could apologize to her. Four years ago when I lost my Mother to lupus we were distant. Let me quantify that, being distant for us meant we spoke once a day instead of three to four times a day. My Mother & I were very close my entire life but there was distance at her time of death because the four months leading up to her death I got engaged to someone that she thought was no good for me.

I didn’t see it but as always she was right. Before she died I knew she was right but I was too proud to say I was wrong.

We argued that October 2011 and never spoke of it. Like it never happened. I still called. We talked for three hours the night before she died but I didn’t go home as often because I was mad. Not apologizing or making amends left me with tremendous guilt when she died, it’s my worst regret, my greatest shame. I blamed myself and I was angry with GOD for robbing me of the chance to fix it.

I bet we are absolutely pissed off with God far more than we would like to admit.

While it may seem irrational and illogical to blame GOD for choosing the wrong partner, accepting an unfulfilling career, or living financially beyond your means, many of us do just that. We blame GOD. I held GOD responsible for my Mother’s death, my Soror’s suffering, my poor choices, my stubbornness, my hardspots, and my singleness. Who am I to forgive GOD for not preventing all the horrible things that have happened to me and to the world?

I’m human. But in my humanness I’ve discovered that my deeper healing will only come when I admit to myself that I am angry and accept that it’s okay to be the same. Only then can I truly appreciate that GOD allowed me to witness the stranger’s suicide so I could appreciate life and know permanent solutions are not the answer to temporary problems. HE took my Soror and Mother because he needed them more and recognized the lessons I learned in the wake of their deaths were necessary for my continued growth.

I discovered that nothing is promised so you’ve got to fix things, tell people how you feel, let them know that they matter.

Everything I held a grudge against GOD for was just not and is not in HIS plan for me. I suspect GOD brings people to my life so that I can stand in the gap for them. When GOD has us unwittingly intercede for one another, our chief purpose is to fill in those gaps in one another’s spiritual armor and hold up that person so the enemy can’t gain an advantage over them.

Likewise, when we fail to intercede for one another, we’re virtually giving the key to that person’s spiritual house to his/her enemies for them to wreak havoc, to steal that person’s peace or joy. Just as we wouldn’t build a brick wall and intentionally leave gaping holes in the cement joints, I would go so far as to say it is malicious for me to not “go between”/ “stand in the gap” for my brother, my sister.

Jesus said, “By this all shall know that you are my disciples, if you have love toward one another.” [John 13:35] How can I say I love anyone and not pray for them? It’s impossible! It’s a contradiction and a lie! “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” [James 5:16]

Perhaps GOD disappoints me to incite empathy, it pushes me to feel the pain of others in my heart. HE makes me angry, calling me to stand. So I’m standing in the gap. It’s not easy, it’s frustrating, it’s even painful but I’m standing in the gap for others because it is on the side of righteousness and it is how I forgive myself and atone for questioning GOD.

Many will find my willingness to acknowledge my anger and disappointment with GOD blasphemous. Holding something against GOD, Kimberly? Really? I say to you GOD already knows my heart. What is it exactly that you think GOD doesn’t already know about you?

If I ever doubted articulating what I was angry with GOD about or that I forgive GOD, it was confirmed this morning as I took pen to paper.

Since my Mother’s death there have been days where I literally questioned my ability to go on, i.e. get dressed, face the world, and even interact with people. Then I am reminded of her humor, her spirit and the presence of GOD. What occurs most often is that I go downstairs to find the light or ceiling fan on in my den.

Surely any electrician will say there’s a wiring issue or the remote control for the ceiling fan needs tweaking but I believe it is the presence of my Mother and therefore GOD.  This morning at four o’clock GOD and my Mommy showed up again, offering their blessing for my desire to tell this tale. So with that confirmation I am reminded that what matters supremely is not the fact that I know GOD, but the larger fact which underlies it, is that HE knows me and is present.

I am graven on the palms of HIS hands. I am never out of HIS mind.

All my knowledge of HIM depends on HIM  and his never yielding interest in knowing me. I know HIM because HE first knew me, and continues to know me. HE knows me as HIS inquisitive child who constantly asks why and why not, who is stubborn, loving, kind, generous, proud, and who is also angered by what allows her to stumble and what manifests as suffering to others in the world. HE knows me as HIS and HE knows I forgive HIM  and trust Him without hesitation, or reservation; because I choose to die empty for HIM, again and again.

The man who went where none should go and saw what none should see,

Had his knowledge wrapped around an eternal mystery.

He witnessed many glorious things, and many heinous too,

Yet ev’n his stores of knowledge failed to reveal something of the truth.

Then one day the man encountered a knocking at the door,

And he who swayed in spirit failed to do so anymore.

‘Find rest old man’, it whispered, defying all he knew.

‘Find rest and you shall find’, it said, ‘your soul has been renewed!’

The man was filled with joy as the shackles vanished from his mind;

He had unintentionally discovered the true eternal kind.

“Never again!” he proclaimed to all, in regards to past pursuits.

“Never again!” he called again, so that some would hear the news.

Yet none desired to listen to what the old man said.

“Fool!” they called him, unaware

Of their own inflicted heads.

First, the man was troubled, unsure of what to do.

But soon enough he found the Way, earning interest for the truth.

Rather than preach a message, he began to act the part.

Instead of looking for the end, he rested at the start.

The people marveled at him, not comprehending why.

“How can you live this way?” they asked the passerby.

“Now you see the truth,” he said, “what I had tried to tell.

But because you did not listen, you’ve found yourselves in hell.”

“What is this that you speak of?” the people asked, astounded,

Refusing to comprehend knowledge so unfounded.

“I will tell you once again,” he said, hoping for the best.

“Never again should you or I seek to leave His rest.”

Finally they understood from witnessing his ways,

This man had found a secret which brightened up his days.

But still he tried to tell them: “My secret’s free for all!

The light is all around you

Waiting for your call…”

Her name was JuJu. A nickname from childhood that her dad had called her before he passed away. Juju was one of my campers in the Yellow unit of nine to eleven year olds and was a natural born leader.

She was only in elementary school, but carried herself as an outgoing young adult with a passion to create a brighter world through creativity and joy. I met Juju at Camp Kesem last summer. Camp Kesem is a place where kids can find solace, support, and love from others who truly understand losing a parent from cancer.

Losing a parent is difficult, and it is unimaginable to me to lose one when you are nine years old.

But Camp is about finding light in dark situations and creating incredible friendships. At Camp when the sun goes down and the campers are all in their pajamas, we have Cabin Chat. This is a time when counselors lead a discussion with a series of questions. The first couple questions are lighthearted, but eventually they become more serious throughout the week.

On one of the first days, we asked the girls in our cabin “What is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?” I was expecting the girls to say something like “a rainbow!” or “my dog is beautiful,” but instead I was floored from the answers they provided. Juju’s answer is the most vivid in my memory.

Calmly she asked, “Does it have to be something I actually saw or can it be something I know?”

The other counselors and I were curious. We let her continue, “The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen was when my dad passed away and he wasn’t hurting anymore. He was finally peaceful…I know he’s up in heaven now playing golf with my grandpa and catching up.” We were all speechless. What nine year old should be able to say that? I started thinking about how young she was and how mature I could never be at that age.

I mean nine years old and accepting that your life will go on knowing this? Feeling at peace that you know he’s safe and one with God? When I was nine, I was playing with Barbies and cried when butterflies accidentally hit our moving car. But here she was, this little girl with the biggest heart and a calm voice. I however, was not calm. Internally I was wrecked, bawling like a typical elementary schooler.

I teared up and looked around to the other counselors, only to see similar teary eyes looking back at me. As we nodded heads towards each other, it was like a wordless agreement between the counselors that we would not let our emotions interrupt this beautiful time and that our lives were forever changed. Juju was only one of the campers who became one of my role models and inspired me to become a bigger, better person.

It is incredible to be part of an organization that brings children and teens together to share this experience with and make each summer unforgettable. This summer, Camp Kesem is providing two weeks of camp so even more kids struggling with a parent’s cancer can finally be a kid again and college kids can find inspiration from 3rd graders. I joined Camp to change lives, but this summer, I can’t wait to see who will change mine.

(Written by Margaret Coleman)

Broken I come. Empty. My cup is full of tears. Yet you are so faithful to show me where you were in the past years, The years of abuse, the years that the locust came and my life was changed. Numb and broken I stood. I didn’t know where you were. I didn’t understand. Yet you tell me now, that you were with me.

YOU WERE WITH ME.

You were holding my hand. You were my strength, you enabled me to stand. You were the sustaining grace that has brought me to stand here today. You are with me and you are faithful. Again I say, YOU ARE WITH ME, and

YOU ARE FAITHFUL.

You are here to stay. You are constant and true, You are healing the broken places- the black and the blue. I was hiding. Hiding from who you are and always have called me to be. Caught up in an endless sea of insecurity. Searching for satisfaction, while knowing you are the only one that satisfies. Not believing the truth but rather lies.

Not seeing myself through your eyes. Seemingly walking on thin ice of others words and judgments, Too often finding myself broken by their words, and not by your Word. Hiding so often from fully being with you, Because I was scared to be held by you. The depth and vastness of your loves is so overwhelming and deep. Often times in your presence I find myself undone as I begin to weep.

So I stay surface level, with others and with you O lord, Yet you know me, you know me through and through. You see my heart, and you long for me to HIDE myself in ONLY you. Surface is comfortable it doesn’t ask much, Or really tell much either. Surface never really gets to the point, it just casually talks around it. Surface is the typical response to, “Hi, how are you?”… “Good, good!”

Lord I confess I cry out, not everything is good, Not everything is okay all the time, Oh, but YOU ARE. You Father, are the bright Morning Star. You break through the darkness and you speak life.

You hold me safely, as my tears fall at night. Father you are good, always faithful. So draw me out of myself, my sin, Set my feet upon you and show me where to begin, Begin walking in security and assurance. To no longer hide but to be hidden. Hidden in who you are and always have called me to be. Caught up in an endless sea of security and mercy. Drowning in endless grace, captivated by you, Eyes locked, looking unto your glorious face.

The Creator and Captivator of my heart. Forever. For your voice is louder and sweeter than any other, Your truth penetrates my heart and it shows me who I am. It reminds me that when I feel like giving up- When I find myself saying, “I can’t…” that Jesus..

YOU CAN!

“I can, because I am” I am your sufficiency, I am your Healer; I am your Father, I am your Helper, I am for you, I am with you, I am merciful, I am just, I am faithful, I am patient; I am your refuge, I am trustworthy, I am fighting for you, and I am always with you.

MY STEADFAST LOVE ENDURES FOREVER.

He can and he will, so today I pray you feel. Feel his sweet love that conquers all fears. I pray that you see the endless grace he has poured out on your life, over the past years. I pray you feel his comfort in the midst of your pain. And I pray today that things would never be the same. That you would leave His presence radically changed. That you would believe God’s truth, rather than lies. I pray that you would take off your disguise.

It is okay to cry, you can come rest He says, you don’t have to try. Don’t try and hold it all in, bring it to me and let it shatter at my feet, Come into my arms, come and meet. Meet with me, abide with me, look to me, and confide in me. I am safe.

When you dance, I dance along with you. When you cry, I am there crying and comforting you. When you try to hide, I am the one that is your refuge and safe place. When you are scared, I am the one, who takes your hand, And lifts your head with peace and assurance. When you are too weak to fight, I am fighting for you- On your behalf and I will never stop.

When you throw up your hands and want to give up, I am the one that lifts your hands and your eyes. For I am your Helper. When you are frustrated, I whisper, “I understand, tell me more.” And I tell you of my sweet promises. When you are tired and weary, I am your strength. When you have been going and going, I am your resting place. I am here. So come near. When you find yourself full of questions and doubt, I am the answer, I will give you faith. When you are reminded of who you were…

I am faithful to tell you…WHO YOU ARE!

You are mine and you are loved, So loved that I would send my one and only Son, From Heaven above, He lived a sinless life and bore all your sins, He longs for you to come to Him. So freely come. Come and be forgiven and take hold of life. Life, He is life, I pray you all take hold of that tonight. He is restoring the years the locust have stolen. And he is making you whole. Whole, and holy, He is making you more like him.

The Lord is making you new, Yes you He is making you new. HIS steadfast LOVE ENDURES FOREVER, through and through!

(Written by Rebecca Lewis)

Well, we were pregnant again. We had an eighteen month little girl at home, and we were well on our way to having two kids. It was exciting and overwhelming at the same time. I was so, so sick; barely able to keep any food down most days, let alone try to play with my busy toddler. It was happening. There was no turning back for us.

We were so thrilled to be having another baby! We love being parents and had always wanted to have our kids close together. It was so fun to start planning for our new little one.

I was almost 20 weeks, the halfway point in a pregnancy. I was headed in for a regular appointment and was feeling nervous. More than usual.

I headed into my appointment, and my doctor started to look for that special heartbeat. Nothing. He grabbed an ultrasound machine. Still nothing. Our little baby had died. I was all alone and heartbroken.

We went through a crummy induced labor and delivery and found out that our baby was a little boy. It was a terribly sad day for us. Something that we never expected. We never thought that we would lose a baby. No one ever does. Loss is always hard. Always.

There is something unique about losing an unborn baby. It’s not just about the baby being gone. It’s about the future. You’re entire future is different. We spent months planning on having a new baby, and now he was just gone. It felt weird.

We had been planning a big family trip in the summer, during which I would be pregnant. That was different now. I returned all my maternity swimsuits and tried to settle into a life that was different than what we had been planning.

There was also some relief. I was relieved. Having a baby is such a financial responsibility and is extremely stressful. We were struggling at the time, so I did. I felt relieved.

And then I felt guilty. So guilty.

All I wanted was to have that baby with me. But he was gone and there wasn’t a thing that I could do about it.

I was filled with so many terrible feelings. I didn’t even know how to start healing. I found a great deal of support in friends and family who had similar experiences. My personal beliefs and faith in God and His plan helped and gave me strength. My husband stood by me. He was broken too, but together we were able to put our world back together and settle into our new reality.

And I know that I would not have survived without my daughter. She is a joy and being her mom kept me going.

A few months later, after experiencing some issues with sleep deprivation and other personal struggles, I decided to talk to my doctor about the possibility of post-partum depression. After a few conversations with my doctor, we decided to try an anti-depressant to help with my sleep. I am so grateful for the help that I had from medication and helpful doctors. I know that I would not be where I am without this.

From my experiences, I have learned the importance of asking for help from those around you.

People are always willing to listen, more than I ever realized. I also learned that I was stronger than I thought. I wasn’t able to be strong every day, but I did my best to chose to be happy for myself and my family.

Ultimately, I healed and overcame this loss because I of the choices I made every single day. I chose my family. I did not want to be lost in a grey cloud of grief, and I knew that I couldn’t be the best wife and mother if I was constantly lost in my sadness. I chose to be happy.

I put on a smile, even when it hurt the most. I chose to remain positive and to remember that the pain I was experiencing wouldn’t last forever. It was only permanent if I let it be.

(Written by Blaize Burley)

As a nineteen year old girl with my whole life ahead of me, I will admit that I frequently think about what the future looks like.

With that comes many questions of uncertainty: Will I venture off to a big city or stick with the comfort of a small town? Will I ever decide on what my major will be?! (Still undecided but that’s another story for another day) will I have the “American dream” house with the white picket fence or the Southern Antebellum home with a wrap-around porch I have always wanted?

Will I have 3 kids or 4? Maybe 5? and of course, the most anticipated question of them all…Who will I marry? Who will I grow old with and sit with in rocking chairs on our wrap-around porch?

These are all topics I pray about frequently, knowing that the Lord will reveal answers to me in His due time.

However, the more I pray about my future, the more I anticipate it and lean on God’s guidance in the uncertainty of life, the more I find rest in Him. “Love Me First“, he continues to say.

The Greatest Commandment Jesus tells us comes from Matthew 22:37-38. “And he said to them, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and FIRST commandment.’”

Notice Jesus doesn’t say we should love our reputation first. He doesn’t say we should love our possessions first. He doesn’t say we should love our significant other first. Nope. He says love the LORD YOUR GOD with everything that is within you first, and nothing in your life should come before Him who created you for His Glory.

Love God First…fall deeply in love with Him to where obeying him and pursuing a relationship with him is all that you think about. Love Him to where He is at the forefront of your every thought, to where you cannot go a day without spending time with Him in the word or in prayer. Love Him to where you begin to love what He loves and hate what He hates. Loving God First is the call we have on our lives.

Everything else you have is just a bonus including your job, your house, and even your spouse.

God. Is. Love, and this letter, which has encouraged me for years and comes straight from God’s word, is a demonstration of how much He loves us and desires us to fall in love with Him too:

“Dear child of mine,

I know everything about you. (Ps 139:1) I know when you sit down and when you rise up. (Ps. 139:2) Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. (Matt. 10:29-31) For you were made in my image. (Gen. 1:27) For you are my offspring. (Acts 17:28)

I knew you even before you were conceived. (Jer. 1:4-5)

I chose you when I planned creation. (Eph. 1:11-12) You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. (Ps 139:15-16) You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Ps 139:14) And it is my desire to lavish my love on you (John 3:1) simply because you are my child and I am your father. (1 John 3:1) I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. (Matt. 7:11) For I am the perfect father. (Matt. 5:48) Every good gift you receive comes from my hand. (James 1:17) For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.

4(Matt. 6:31-33) My plan for your future has always been filled with hope (Jer. 29:11) because I love you with an everlasting love. (Jer. 31:3) My thoughts towards you are countless as the sand on the seashore. (Ps. 139: 17-18) I will never stop doing good for you. (Jer. 32:40)

You are my treasured possession. (Ex. 19:5)

I want to show you great and marvelous things. (Jer. 33:3) If you seek me with all of your heart, you will find me. (Deut. 4:29) Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. (Ps. 37:4) For I am able to do far more than you ask and think. (Eph. 3:20)

I am your greatest encourager (2 Thes. 2:16-17) and I will comfort you in all your troubles. (2 Cor. 1:3-4) When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. (Ps. 34: 18) One day I will wipe away each tear from your eyes. (Rev. 21:3-4) I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.

(Rev. 21:3-4) I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. (John 17:23) For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. (John 17:26) He is the exact representation of my being. (Heb. 1:3) Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. (2 Cor. 5:18-19) If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. (1 John 2:23)

Nothing will ever separate you from my love. (Romans 8:38-39)

Do not conform to the ways of this world, but instead be transformed by a new identity you have in me. (Romans 12:2) Do not live according to the flesh for you will die, but rather live according to the Spirit which gives you life in me. (Romans 8:13) Walk by faith in me, not by what you see in this world. (2 Cor. 5:7)

For there is freedom found in me (Gal. 5:1) I have always been Father, and I will always be Father. (Eph. 3:14-15) Love me with all your heart, soul, and mind. (Matt. 22:37) I have great plans to prosper you. (Jer. 29:11) Be still and know that I am God.(Ps. 46: 10).

Love,

Your Almighty Father.”

Whenever I get scared of what my future holds… whenever I start to lose sight of the path my Heavenly Father has set before me… I read this letter to remind me of how deeply He loves me. He has my whole life planned out. My prayer is every day that I seek first His Kingdom from when my feet hit the floor in the morning to when I lay my head down at night. I do not want to miss out on the amazing opportunities the Lord places in front of today because I am too anxious about tomorrow.

Fall in love with the Lord your God first and the rest will come.

(Written by Scott Porter)

Imagine a world where you personally know every single human being you encounter on a day-to-day basis. Every bystander you walk past, every driver you drive by. You know each and every person— their name, where they came from, what they struggle with, what they triumph with.

Growing up in a small town gives you a small taste of how a world like that would be.

Working at the hardware store in a town of 900 hundred people shows me the true character of people normally at their worst. Some may have a broken pipe that they just can’t seem to fix, others may have a large project or job to do but they just can’t seem to get everything together to start.

Often, those customers take their frustrations out on the first person they see, which is many times me. And that’s okay.

“Do yall have this black (old & outdated) pipe?”

“No ma’am, that pipe has been replaced with a newer kind that is much improved.”

“Well I need this kind and y’all should be ashamed to call yourselves a hardware store when y’all don’t have the pipe that I need.”

(I left out a few choice words the lady said but you get the jist.)

Everyone has bad days.

I often get extremely frustrated dealing with customers who take out all their anger on me. This post is not a rant, it’s a series of thoughts running through my head while I’m laying in bed and can’t seem to fall asleep for my life.

The thought is this—maybe if we knew, and I mean really knew, each person we encountered we would be a little more kind and a little more gracious to our brothers and sisters with whom we live side by side.

Jesus called us to love one another.

People always tell me (on my good days), “you’re too polite” or “you’re too kind.” And that’s an overwhelmingly sad comment. That statement implies that, one, because I held the door for you, you think I’m overly polite, and two, somewhere down the line you have become accustomed to people not being polite enough to hold the door for you.

That shouldn’t be the way of the world. DO NOT read this post and think “Geez, this kid is arrogant to talk about how polite he is.” I struggle with this everyday. I struggle with compassion.

It is hard for me to remain positive in such a negative world. It is hard for me to be polite all the time. But what if we were polite all the time? What if everyday we tried to be so nice to others as if we wanted to make their day? How much better of a place would the world be?

I believe our society wouldn’t have the race issues we have today if we all tried to be a little bit nicer or a little bit kinder to every stranger on the street.

When you know someone personally it’s “common courtesy” to be polite to them. Why is it not “common courtesy” to be nice to everyone?  Why is there such a thing as “common courtesy” instead of just “courtesy.”

I believe Christians wouldn’t have the reputation of being hypocritical or “two-faced” if we took a challenge amongst ourselves to be a little more kind on an everyday basis. How many more lives could we reach? How many more lives could we save? 

Be kind. Love your neighbor. Let’s make the world a better place. Together— regardless of race, location, or economic class. Let’s take a pledge to truly treat others how you want to be treated. Let’s save ourselves from a society that is divided. Let’s reunite our country. With LOVE and KINDNESS.

More Stories on Faith

A Reflection

The Eulogy I Want My Mother-in-Law to Hear Before She Dies

Finding God, Finding Me

(Written by Mary McPartlan)

Everyone comes from a different background and how we are raised determines a lot about who we become. Some lucky ones follow a simple route, but most of us have some bumps along the road. For me, my relationship with God began the moment I was born, I was a cradle Catholic, meaning regular attendance to church, baptism, Sunday school, confirmation, the whole works. Religion was easy and it was a part of my childhood and how I was raised.

I said what I was supposed to say, did what I was supposed to do, and I had loving parents who did all the right things to raise me. I had a relationship with God and while it may not have been a deep relationship, I knew He was there.

Throughout my years in school I did the right thing, made the good grades, and stayed out of trouble. I had planned out my life to a T, to go to college, marry the first guy I fell in love with, and live happily ever after. The spot I had for God in my life was something along the lines of “I’m doing this on my own, but if I need help, God will be there to make it happen for me.”

I thought that as long as it was in the back of my mind and I knew He was always still there, then good things would happen to me.

Toward the end of my senior year of high school I got into my first relationship and I thought it was perfection. Being a hopeless romantic, I thought that once I had the guy, everything would work out perfectly. I no longer needed God because I had gotten everything I wanted and my life was on track without any major effort into maintaining a relationship with God.

Then college came around and I stopped going to church altogether. I took the credit for having myself together on my own and not needing any intervention. Weekends were spent partying with friends and visiting the boyfriend. It’s not that I was against church, as both of my parents are regular attendees, it’s just that I didn’t place it as a priority. So when I didn’t have it as a priority, going to church became a thing of the past. I had my new life on my own where I was happy and church no longer seemed relevant.

What I realized a year later is that a relationship can cloud a lot of things.

It’s a hard blow when you think you had it all together and didn’t need any help and then things just stop working out the way you thought they would. When I got out of that relationship and entered the single pool again, I felt just that, ‘single’. I was dazed and confused and not sure where to head next.

I spent the year searching for more happiness and control in my life in places it wouldn’t be found and Sunday became just another day of the week, void of any real significance. The hardest part became realizing that I was flawed in my thought process for so long. I relied so heavily on this other person in my life as being the reason why I had my life together.

My thoughts for an entire year consisted of believing I didn’t really need God because I had done everything on my own and it was working so well, and now I felt I had messed up along the way. Something went wrong and it took me months to figure out that the thing I was missing was something I willingly gave up.

I hadn’t been to church in months, except for the occasional visit to home, in which I politely obliged to sit through the service with the family. It didn’t mean much to me, my pride still had the best of me. But along the way of getting into my second year of college, the fog cleared, and I felt the slightest tinge of magnetism toward church. Somewhere in the back of my mind I felt I needed to go. Even so, not wanting to admit fault for the beliefs I blindly followed for a year, I came up with excuses.

I told myself that once I got a car, I would go.

That excuse held up for a while, until a couple weeks later I got my own car, and spoiler alert, I still didn’t go. It wasn’t until weeks later when I finally made the move to ask my friend if she would go to church with me. But I didn’t just go to the Catholic church I’d been raised on where I’d mindlessly go through the motions, I went to a church that meant something to me, a church directed toward students like me, a church with a community of people like me, a church that welcomed me anytime and every time I show up; I went to Athens Church.

I won’t say that the first time I went back to church there was some jaw dropping, awe-inspiring moment. But I did have a moment, a moment where I felt right where I was supposed to be and that this was the next step in my life to follow through on.

This was something I shouldn’t just try out once and then never show up to again. And I finally realized that no one can do everything on their own, and that the plans I come up with in my head are definitely not God’s plans. No matter how much I want them to be, they just aren’t. I lost my faith for a year, thinking I had everything under control, and it wasn’t until my plan got some bumps in the road did I realize that I wasn’t even on the right road.

To be honest, I’m glad I found out now rather than years later, continuing on with a relationship where I didn’t consider God a priority. I’ve realized I don’t want to settle for a life where God is not a part, and the people I have in my life, should share this with me. I continue to strive to surround myself with people who help me grow closer to God, not leaving me stagnant.

I grew up believing in fairy tales, and while I don’t think Prince Charming is going to come magically sweep me off my feet, I’m still a hopeless romantic in believing that I’ll have my story one day, and God will be there too. By building a relationship with God, I’ll find the community of people I want to be with. Andy Stanley said it best, “Be the person you’re looking for is looking for.” I’ll find the one who puts God at the center of his life, but only after I do it first.

Who am I and what am I doing?

This question has plagued me for the past three and a half years.  It has consumed my time, energy, thoughts, and emotions.  This fundamental question of why.  And my attempts to answer this question have only made me more and more confused about the realities of this life.

Therefore, I will cease attempting to answer these questions.  And when I do, I will finally see.  “Lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways trust in the Lord”.

Where does wisdom come from?  Why do we do what we do?  What is the point of all of this?  

The questions come flooding back in and I don’t know why.  It frustrates me to no end that I am not able to discern the truth of these matters.

Alas, that is my fate.  For I am not a great wise man.  Neither am I a particularly righteous or godly man. Though I have tried incredibly hard to be one.  I am not entirely sure what it means to be godly, but I know it is nothing that I have come close to attaining.  In all of my attempts to become like God, I have only succeeded in becoming a hypocrite.  For I cannot make myself perfect.  And the more I try to be perfect, and uphold the law of righteousness, the more I fail.  And as I fail I become more and more distraught with myself and my life situation.  Yet I continue on this path.  I seem destined to struggle forever.

Yet there is one who can save me from my toilsome and meaningless labor. And that person is Jesus Christ. This I know because I have heard it from those who have been saved from Christ himself.  Who saw the Lord, and recognized Him for who he is: God.

But who am I?  I am but a man lost in the world, seeking answers and finding only confusion.

The Lord said “repent”, and I keep on my unfaithful path.  The Lord said “turn from your ways” and I obstinately yell no. Without fail.  Though I want so badly to turn and take his yoke upon my shoulders, for I have heard this yoke is light, I continue to be weighed down by my own wickedness.

What is it that prevents me from turning to that which I so desperately desire?  My own desire to become a righteous person.  A selfish desire to triumph over my own evil ways so that I may have something to boast about.  But in Christ there is no boasting.  “For the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.”  And this is the message that I have received.  The same message preached in the gospels.  The same message that has been spread all over the world, according to the will of God.

And so, as I look for ways to distort the message so that it will sound more pleasing to a new generations’ ears, I must stop myself.  The message is the same.  It will not change.  For God has said “my word will last forever”. What then shall I say about these matters that has not already been said There is nothing I can add to the message.  It has been spoken by God himself through the prophets and apostles through the Holy Spirit.  The Spirit of Truth.  The Advocate.  What then, can I possibly do?

At last I realize.  I am no teacher.  I am no wise man.  I am no righteous person.  I am merely a sinner.  A common man.  One of the multitude.  And now I must ask of God the only thing that I am permitted to ask: mercy.

This is my struggle.  And not just my struggle, but all of ours.  For all of us are born into this world as infants.  Unknowing and innocent.  And all of us experience life, which tends to destroy this innocence we once possessed.

Yet all of us have access to the hope that is in Jesus Christ, that we may enter back into the land of the innocent, from whence we came.  To once again experience love and peace and joy, without fear.  And though we may suffer dearly today, there is no force greater than the Love that is in Christ; not even death.  And this Love extends to each and every one of us.  And this is the truth.