One reason as to why companies fall short of being great can be summed up by Simon Sinek’s philosophy, “people don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.” Sinek draws a circle diagram to better describe his philosophy. The circle consists of three rings; the outside reads “what”, the middle reads “how”, and the inside, “why”.

Although this philosophy is intended for those to work from the inside-out, that rarely seems to be the case. What most people do, and this explains Sinek’s theory as to why these individuals do not achieve their full potential, is think of what they’re going to do, how they’re going to accomplish it, and then worry about why. The “why” is the most important factor, it explains the purpose.

In reality, those who fall victim to this majority like myself, are actually living their lives backwards and have unknowingly set themselves up for anything but greatness. After understanding the meaning behind Sinek’s concept and reflecting on my own personal life, I find this philosophy hard to live by.

As I progress through college, I realize I’ve developed the same system most mediocre companies have adapted, by starting from the outside in.

I have witnessed myself struggling through classes, trying to pass, not really interested in the material itself. I decided to go to college because I assumed what the majority assumes and that is, the higher the education, the higher the salary you will be paid. But what exactly is my purpose?

When I think of Simon Sinek’s concept and relate it to my own life, I understand the importance of being passionate. I think a lot of young adults my age become pressured and ultimately confine themselves to the status-quo rather than just follow what they truly believe. I find it extremely hard to talk about myself, and I do not mean basic information that can be found on social media, I’m referring to something a lot deeper than interests and hobbies. I’m lacking passion. I’m lacking the first step to Simon Sinek’s philosophy.

For a while I’ve adopted my own philosophy in life, and that is to never stop progressing.

I’ve always believed that as long as I can live by that, I will always keep striving for better. But with this concept, what will I ultimately achieve? There’s one vital necessity lacking in order to work towards something wicked and out of this world. Passion. My idea of passion is a driving force embedded within ourselves that, only when tapped into, can something great come about. The closest I’ve ever come to being passionate about something was when I used to compete in track.

I come from a small high school with a graduating class of about 150 students. I had the same coach for spring and winter track, along with cross country. We were a group one blue division school with a passion for achieving something great. My coach always told my teammates and I to never settle for being mediocre. This was something I silently repeated to myself everyday before I prepared for practice.

I did not care what the odds against my team or myself were, we just decided to compete despite who may be standing next to us on the line. Our work ethic on and off the track was fueled by a passion that disregarded the status-quo, the idea that small schools only have a chance to compete against other small schools and are not even considered competition against the bigger schools. I am proud to say I was apart of not only one season, but all three, that defied this common ideology.

It was only after graduation that I was really able to take the time to reflect back on all of my team’s achievements. What I realized was yes, we did have a common goal and really worked towards it knowing what our purpose was, but none of our accomplishments could have ever happened if it were not for progression.

Progression is what fueled our passion.

Each chance to race was an opportunity to run better than before. We had to work with only a limited amount of girls, some competitions we had girls running the maximum number of events a runner was allowed to compete in. I’m not entirely sure that at the time I was aware of what we were really doing, but I do know the bond between my teammates and I was something that could not be penetrated.

When it came down to relays, I always ran my best times. I became so close to the girls on my team because we were so devoted to what we were doing that other kids would refer to us as a cult. I look back and realize a lot of my efforts were because of them.

I had a talent for running, a phenomenal coach, and truly devoted teammates. Out of it came something greater than what we could’ve ever expected. I set a bar for myself and wanted to reach it. I had found my passion at that point in my life. It consumed me.

I believe you know you’ve found your passion when you allow what you’re doing to change your life. You have to constantly think about it, you have to experience failure and then you have to wake up the next day getting right back into it. If you’re passionate about something, nothing can take that feeling away.

I mention my high school experience of running because I have yet to latch onto anything that has even come remotely close. I look forward to once again connecting with something that’ll not only change my life, but others around me as well.

“People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.” If you don’t believe in yourself, chances are others will not either. Establish your driving force within, and progress from there.

The very idea may seem ridiculous, even offensive to some people. However, prophets can be cited as examples of powerful spiritual personalities who have held a temporary resentment toward GOD for the judgments HE brought down because of the sins and evils committed by HIS chosen people. The punishments often seemed worse than the crime, in their eyes. Truly, forgiving GOD is never necessary, and yet…I have occasionally held some residue, deep inside, a secret resentment, even disappointment toward GOD for the situations I found myself in throughout my life.

The suffering of the innocent would grind my gears.

For example, I was so angry when I lost my Soror, lawyer to be, sister friend to AIDS. How could GOD not rescue her or prevent evil from happening to her? I was angry with GOD because in 1989 he allowed me to bare witness to a stranger’s suicide. I stood as he jumped from the bridge to his death because brain cancer destroyed his beautiful forensic mind.

I tried to stop him but couldn’t and held myself personally responsible for my inability to physically stop the jumper. I was angry with GOD for years because I thought I’ve been dealt a bad hand. I thought it unfair that I was childless and unmarried. I am after all a good daughter, sister, cousin, niece, friend, neighbor, and Godmother. I have no vices to speak of. I am not unlike those who live the fairytale and find happily ever after. I am no menace to society. I have played by the rules of a civilized society. I am educated because the principle goal of education is to create individuals who are capable of doing new things, not simply of repeating what other generations have done, people who are creative, inventive discoverers.

So why has GOD denied me? I was angry with GOD because why would HE allow me to meet and grow to love the wrong person for all the right reasons yet again. How could HE allow me to unwittingly discover the man who is undoubtedly my music from another room and not allow me to dance with him forever?

I resented GOD because HE not only took my Mother too soon but HE took her before I could apologize to her. Four years ago when I lost my Mother to lupus we were distant. Let me quantify that, being distant for us meant we spoke once a day instead of three to four times a day. My Mother & I were very close my entire life but there was distance at her time of death because the four months leading up to her death I got engaged to someone that she thought was no good for me.

I didn’t see it but as always she was right. Before she died I knew she was right but I was too proud to say I was wrong.

We argued that October 2011 and never spoke of it. Like it never happened. I still called. We talked for three hours the night before she died but I didn’t go home as often because I was mad. Not apologizing or making amends left me with tremendous guilt when she died, it’s my worst regret, my greatest shame. I blamed myself and I was angry with GOD for robbing me of the chance to fix it.

I bet we are absolutely pissed off with God far more than we would like to admit.

While it may seem irrational and illogical to blame GOD for choosing the wrong partner, accepting an unfulfilling career, or living financially beyond your means, many of us do just that. We blame GOD. I held GOD responsible for my Mother’s death, my Soror’s suffering, my poor choices, my stubbornness, my hardspots, and my singleness. Who am I to forgive GOD for not preventing all the horrible things that have happened to me and to the world?

I’m human. But in my humanness I’ve discovered that my deeper healing will only come when I admit to myself that I am angry and accept that it’s okay to be the same. Only then can I truly appreciate that GOD allowed me to witness the stranger’s suicide so I could appreciate life and know permanent solutions are not the answer to temporary problems. HE took my Soror and Mother because he needed them more and recognized the lessons I learned in the wake of their deaths were necessary for my continued growth.

I discovered that nothing is promised so you’ve got to fix things, tell people how you feel, let them know that they matter.

Everything I held a grudge against GOD for was just not and is not in HIS plan for me. I suspect GOD brings people to my life so that I can stand in the gap for them. When GOD has us unwittingly intercede for one another, our chief purpose is to fill in those gaps in one another’s spiritual armor and hold up that person so the enemy can’t gain an advantage over them.

Likewise, when we fail to intercede for one another, we’re virtually giving the key to that person’s spiritual house to his/her enemies for them to wreak havoc, to steal that person’s peace or joy. Just as we wouldn’t build a brick wall and intentionally leave gaping holes in the cement joints, I would go so far as to say it is malicious for me to not “go between”/ “stand in the gap” for my brother, my sister.

Jesus said, “By this all shall know that you are my disciples, if you have love toward one another.” [John 13:35] How can I say I love anyone and not pray for them? It’s impossible! It’s a contradiction and a lie! “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” [James 5:16]

Perhaps GOD disappoints me to incite empathy, it pushes me to feel the pain of others in my heart. HE makes me angry, calling me to stand. So I’m standing in the gap. It’s not easy, it’s frustrating, it’s even painful but I’m standing in the gap for others because it is on the side of righteousness and it is how I forgive myself and atone for questioning GOD.

Many will find my willingness to acknowledge my anger and disappointment with GOD blasphemous. Holding something against GOD, Kimberly? Really? I say to you GOD already knows my heart. What is it exactly that you think GOD doesn’t already know about you?

If I ever doubted articulating what I was angry with GOD about or that I forgive GOD, it was confirmed this morning as I took pen to paper.

Since my Mother’s death there have been days where I literally questioned my ability to go on, i.e. get dressed, face the world, and even interact with people. Then I am reminded of her humor, her spirit and the presence of GOD. What occurs most often is that I go downstairs to find the light or ceiling fan on in my den.

Surely any electrician will say there’s a wiring issue or the remote control for the ceiling fan needs tweaking but I believe it is the presence of my Mother and therefore GOD.  This morning at four o’clock GOD and my Mommy showed up again, offering their blessing for my desire to tell this tale. So with that confirmation I am reminded that what matters supremely is not the fact that I know GOD, but the larger fact which underlies it, is that HE knows me and is present.

I am graven on the palms of HIS hands. I am never out of HIS mind.

All my knowledge of HIM depends on HIM  and his never yielding interest in knowing me. I know HIM because HE first knew me, and continues to know me. HE knows me as HIS inquisitive child who constantly asks why and why not, who is stubborn, loving, kind, generous, proud, and who is also angered by what allows her to stumble and what manifests as suffering to others in the world. HE knows me as HIS and HE knows I forgive HIM  and trust Him without hesitation, or reservation; because I choose to die empty for HIM, again and again.