As our past selves make appearances in our present and our future, it can become difficult to keep hold of the glory that is ourselves. But we have to be stronger than our past.
In life we have many experiences: some extraordinary, others abysmal and some we are just plain indifferent to. We choose to either feel these things or to not feel them.
Lives where we can create, shape, mold, but also dismantle, destroy, and overturn. We are comprised of moments that we wish we could replay a million times in our heads, and moments that we wish to simply erase.
It is in these innate moments, in these details, that we can choose to become broken by the world or choose to thrive in a world that’s broken.
I personally had to learn how to do this. For years, I was haunted by low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. Based on events and chapters of my past, I would get discouraged when trying to live my life’s story.
Having a father who died, a mother who struggled with addiction and was rarely in my life, years of abandonment issues, incidents of sexual abuse occur, and many other things I’ve experienced in life have shaped who I am.
It took three attempted suicides, a trip to the suicide ward, and various therapy sessions to realize that my life was built upon the feeling of unworthiness. This was not the life I wanted to live anymore. It wasn’t a life that I was meant to live.
It became clear to me that after every attempt to kill myself, I was still alive, my heart refused to stop beating. I came to a realization within myself that I was stronger than I ever thought. It was then I decided that I, not my situations in life, would declare what and who I am.
Careful but sometimes careless. I am confident yet scared at times, terrified about life and also excited. I am misunderstood, misguided, and sometimes misled. I am hardworking and determined. I believe in passion. I pray to God, wish on stars, and dream my dreams.
In order to reach this level of self I had to go through a lot of rough patches but I know that if I were to reverse any of it, I wouldn’t be where I am today. So I remember to simply live. To make mistakes and have a wonderful time doing so. To never be ashamed of where I have been, and most importantly to embrace where it is that I am going. Though I still have rough times and experience moments where I am insecure, I have learned that I am stronger than I ever thought.